Cherished Memories of Lost Souls set in Stone

There would appear to be a dichotomy prevalent in modern social practice in our relative difficulty in coming to terms with the manifestations associated with the rituals accompanying the death of loved ones. The late Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue has written and indeed spoken profoundly in his book/CD called ‘To bless the Space Between Us’ about the absence of ‘rituals to protect, encourage and guide us as we cross over into the unknown’. I do not intend here to attempt to improve upon John’s wonderful life affirming insights into the world of healing and personal affirmation but I would just like to relate a little story which John was also fond of telling about the importance of and association with the memories of those who have died, or in modern terms passed, belonging to us.

One of my first commissions some 27 years ago as an architect was to renovate and restore the small rural church at Ros Muc in County Galway. The newly appointed parish priest was horrified to see that the little existing stone walled church, which had been perched on a hill overlooking the sea for centuries, was scheduled for demolition and replacement with a modern concrete edifice. He asked me if I could review these plans as he explained that the local people had a very strong personal identification with the old church over many years. Indeed the church was even referred to locally as ‘Teach on Phobail’ which translates as the ‘House of the People’. I’m glad to relate that I were able to come up with a restoration proposal which integrated new and old elements into the overall building while replacing the rotten roof and restoring the fabric of the existing stone walls and stained glass windows. We even managed to arrange for the construction of a new stand alone cross outside the main entrance made from large roof timbers taken from the old roof. The parish priest was very pleased by the completed works as he felt that they symbolised the continuity of the church’s spiritual role and physical presence in the local community.

However, there was one final work task which we both felt would provide a final affirmation of this newly restored identity. He wished to place an old stone cross retried from a shed on a large circular rock at the base of the hill so that when visitors arrived they would know where to enter the church property. Our problem was that it was very difficult to obtain a suitably large stone in the immediate area on which to sit the cross. Although the landscape of Connemara is of course covered with a vast numbers of stones of all sizes, it was proving difficult to find a stone of the right size and shape. However, after much searching in the immediate area, I was elated to find such a stone in a field nearby. As I knew that the church restoration was proving to be very popular with most locals I was confident that the owner of the land would agree to let us use this stone.



However, when I asked for his permission, he refused outright. Seeing the surprise and confusion on my face he explained in simple terms to me that ‘the souls of my ancestors lie in the stones in that field’. I was completely stunned and looked again in detail at these stones. To my great surprise, I realised that the field contained, what at first sight I had thought to be a random pattern of loose stones, but what I now saw to be the remains of old stone cottages and outbuildings. These probably dated back to the great famine in Ireland in 1845 and to this man they still represented a sacred place. I thanked him and explained humbly that I now saw and understood his dilemma and assured him that I both appreciated and respected his view. I’m glad to relate that we were eventually able to get another stone elsewhere which is illustrated in the sketch accompanying this article.

In some respects, this little story reminds me of the saying that a butterfly’s wings when flapped can have an impact world wide. Thus, when I sometimes read in Irish newspapers of hooligans desecrating graves and gravestones, I often still think of this man and his affirmation of the importance of acknowledging the continuity of life’s human memories of all who have died belonging to us. This spiritual affinity has similar strength of feeling to that associated with the sacred burial grounds of the Native American Indian and in some ways reflects the intensity of emotions felt by many American families towards the rubble left after the 9/11 atrocity in the USA.

Although I feel that a ‘place’ association is very helpful in acting as a focus for our intense feeling at the lost of a loved one, this place association can take the simple form of a picture or indeed even a small stone object and does not need to have to take the form of large symbolic edifices so prevalent in our older graveyards. I myself love the Greek habit of leaving small oil lamps lighting in graveyards at night. However, if one cannot find a suitable physical space or object, I’m sure that anyone with true feeling can find a place in their heart for such memory association.

Therefore, for all people who have died or ‘passed’ over, whatever the saying, let us respect our dead, cherish their memory and know that their influence continues in our lives and through our children so long as human life continues on earth. As you can see from this little discourse, they can even be found in a collection of random stones in a small field in Connemara.


Note: This blog is dedicated especially to the memory of my wonderful nephew, Donagh O’Riain who died in August on this year aged 29 years of age and who was and who will continue to be a treasured memory in our lives.

All comments and musings welcome!