Add Verse Tweeting Solutions to New Year Resolutions

Like many I’m left feeling bloated at this early time of year
From overindulgence in turkey, iced cake and bottled beer
But be not aghast for I have just found some clever solutions
By recourse to a few inconsequential New Year resolutions.

First I will resolve to give up all food with high carbohydrate fat
And instead of constantly coveting it, simply feed it to the cat.
Wine and beer will be a thing of the past along with black stout,
For I think you will agree with me, there’s too much of it about.

At the crack of dawn I will rise with vitality and head to the gym,
To prove that a stringent exercise regime for me is not just a whim.
After pumping iron, lifting weights and running on the treadmill
I will return with taut muscles for which sorry wimps would kill.

My wife will be in awe and be left like a dumbfounded Lady Ga Ga
For she'll begin to realise that other women now covet her Mr Da Da
For I shall soon have the vigour and vim of someone half my age
Just as soon as I make headway with the long list on this short page

But wait what’s this little morsel so alone on this Christmas plate
Surely disposing of a little left over slice of cake would not grate,
take away or even diminish in any way my new found fervour and fun
For I can just as easily start tomorrow with an early morning run.

Perhaps a glass of wine and a last chocolate would also not go amiss
For after all, a too rigid code could be deemed to be taking the piss.
And what if my lovely wife is not impressed by my new body build
Upon reflection, a more modest workout schedule might better be willed.

And giving up alcohol entirely could be deemed antisocial and even mean
And I must be considerate enough to think of others in any new regime
So maybe I am being a bit too ambitious in my list of New Year resolutions
For I know my wife would settle for freshness and daily water ablutions.

I must also save my strength for Twitter messages and dedications Foursquare
As strict resolutions could make me calorie deficient, so I refuse to go there.
You see I can’t rely for tweeting on cups of strong coffee or bubble and squeak
As with little food or drink I could have a problem going to the bog or taking a leak.

So what on earth will I do to improve my health and my personal appeal?
I suppose I could reduce my pints consumed or drink water with each meal
I could even walk to the shop on occasion and perhaps eat less fatty food
But total abstinence is undesirable and could leave one in a bad mood.

So at last I am now resolved to be fitter in starting a new Twitter Day,
As no new extreme change will be needed to tweet in a positive way
So here’s wishing all my followers the best New Year Fortune and Fun
For resolutions are no substitute for a real life when all is said and done.

So what’s the overriding message of this tweeting blog post?
About a decision not to change radically but simply to coast
Well if you want real happiness instead of living by a fine line
Just accentuate your positive vibes, drink up and you’ll do just fine.

Not every good fortune in this Year depends upon ambitions so lofty
Especially those undertaken at haste in case one is dubbed a fat softie,
I myself embarked on these unreal resolutions because of a foolish bet
So I now ask My Lord to please make me hale and hearty, but just not yet.


Note: This is a purely fictional verse written for amusement only.