Thursday, July 29, 2010

ManCode Blog: A Sweet Tweet for Lovable Lions?

I must confess to being aghast at some twitter ManCode rants
Which she seems to think apply to any docile man in pants
In them she lists detractions of bad attitude and wet towels
And even refers indiscreetly to smells emanating from bowels

It seems that any poor husband can be considered fair game
Although her list of supposed deficiencies is certainly lame
For it should be obvious to all that a married man is a treasure
Who should be nurtured and enjoyed at a wife’s fulsome leisure

Any minor shortcomings perceived in her prototype Clark Gable
Should be set against the obvious merits he has brought to the table
For such mature men are indeed a wonder, a marvel and even a delight
Who often keep their cool in the face of behaviour which may be a fright?

You see a married man likes to dominate like a Lion in his jungle clearing
And not be constantly upset by cruel jibes and taunts that he is hearing
So Ladies keep your cougar fantasies for such roles as Sex and the City
For you often lack an appreciation of ‘real’ men, which is more the pity.

Don’t fret when your man drinks beer and constantly passes wind
As these are mere natural phenomenon and so he has not really sinned
What’s the problem with a wet towel or pee mark on the toilet floor?
When the poor man’s eyesight is probably failing, so need I say more?

So blog with your female friends if you must about becoming a writer
But lay off the bad vibes about the husband and his being a blighter
Men are indeed caring, strong, funny and can be very protective
Which a woman should acknowledge when she tries to be selective.

Therefore, be mindful of any sentiments expressed however profound
As men for the most part are sensitive, sporty and genuinely sound
So tweet them with dignity, pride and a sweet love never flagging
Especially when key parts of them may be old, tired and sagging.


This verse is intended only to amuse and is written for no fee,
But if its sentiments and tone ring true, then so let it be
For it’s really no harm to study it and to give it some thought
As some women don’t treasure their men as much as they ought.
Note: Some minor amendments made in August in response to twitter comments which are all gratefully acknowledged.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Sitter for Twitter:Tweet NannyMacWii?

I’m having difficulty minding some followers on Twitter
As my role sometimes is more a kin to a Cyber Babysitter
Their tweets are often badly written and all over the place
With bad grammar and confused thought which is a disgrace.

Buts that’s not all that is wrong with this motley crew
For some of their language can be an off colour hue
Many are certainly not tidy in thought or in deed
While they hide behind mantras of how to succeed.

Their home page content is littered with tweets ever lush
Some of which would make even Supernanny blush
Better use 140 characters by reference to a Nanny book
Setting out a firmly disciplined and a healthy outlook

Some tweets are silly and others just plain trite
While some can’t be understood try as you might
You see some people treat one as if one was dumb
Not unlike a bold child throwing a major tantrum

Some stoop so low as to describe sex and play in the sack
Subjects which are entirely unsuitable on a Mac
A cold shower and mouth wash might be more to their gain
Than endless self promotion which only gives pain.

Such mad manners are often asserted with vigour and glee
Although they should end up in the arms of Nanny MacWii
You see there is really no excuse for mindless bleats
When good behaviour can merit abundant retweets.

So its time to assert a modicum of Nanny control
Over casual and bold tweeters whatever their role
So I would like to assert a new Twitter code
Which at last will deliver the correct Mother load.

Behave in a responsible, considerate and fair way
With moral conviction and a sense of fair play
Think before tweeting, dot your I’s and cross your t’s
Then going on twitter will soon be a wheeze

Be mindful of language however colourful or true
And make sure that it’s not considered hurtful or blue
Mind your manners and try always to fight the good fight
Or face the wrath of Nanny and be blocked from my site.


This verse is for amusement and directed at no one
But it sentiments may run true as part of the fun
So it’s really no harm to take it somewhat to heart
And consider it when your next tweet is given a start.

P.S. Apologies in advance to Nannies worldwide for impression which might be given by photo that nannies tend to have full round cuddly figures! Banish the thought?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Colm and Colm Go Fishing with Dan and Dan!

Colm: Did you enjoy the fishing last weekend?

Colm: Yes, it was great but there was no wind, water was too low and fish didn’t bite at all I’m afraid!

Colm: Who did you go with?

Colm: Colm and I went together.

Colm: There were just two of you then.

Colm: Well, me, myself and I went and we were later joined by Dan and Dan!

Colm: So there were five of you then, rather a lot for a small boat?

Colm: No! there was just Colm and I, as Dan and Dan just joined us later for some virtual fishing.

Colm: How did that go then?

Colm: Well since the fish weren’t biting; we thought that we would use the Net for some more productive fishing.

Colm: So how did that turn out?

Colm: Well we caught ten large salmon and had a whale of a time!

Colm: And how did Dan & Dan do?

Colm: I’m afraid that they hooked some whoppers but lost them all!

Colm: How come?

Colm: I’m afraid that they were only netting the surface instead of surfing the net!

Colm: So what did you really catch then?

Colm: A cold!

Colm: Would you cast yourself in this role again?

Colm: Certainly, but only if Wii could be on our game fishing, as you have to draw the line somewhere!


This fishing duality is dedicated to the Man and Man
Who make up the U-Tube duo of Dan and Dan!!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Whine of the WeeK-O Brother! Humouring Maidens & Fish!

Feel like I haven't fished for ages! First the weather was too dry and then it was too wet! Then it was too windy followed quickly but no wind at all! Of course I have to attend the famous Macnas Arts Festival Street Parade in Galway on Sunday but that leaves the rest of the weekend.

I'm afraid that I am running out of excuses so i have started to collect my fishing gear and have left a bottle of nice wine in the fridge (there are no flies on me!). I like the wine label depiction of a fisherman in a laid back position on a boat especially if it is read with the two verses in the photos accompanying this post. So watch out all Maidens and Fish basking on or in the Corrib Lake as here I come.

O! Brother! Catch me if you can!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Family Birthday Celebration:Cheers!

When I say I share birthdays with my daughters in July
Some people shrug their shoulders and other ask why
such an event for me is worthy of particular note
As surely everyone has a birthday in turn by rote.

My wonderful M & M’s are their initials so sweet
And they are chiefly the reason for this saccharin tweet
But forgive the obsession and the sentiment heartfelt
As celebrating their birthday makes my little heart melt.

Indeed for emphasising this key fact I make no apology
As the secret of their uniqueness is to found in astrology
You see we share Cancerian traits of loyalty and love
That would be seen as a credit by the Great Man above.

Of course they are also intelligent and beautiful, it’s true
But from knowing me already, that’s not news to you.
Each day I study in great detail our astrological chart
And find ever more profound reasons that set us apart.

You see Scorpio does not hold water and Leo just seems drab
And even Aries simply does not compare to Cancer the crab.
My wife tries to assert the importance of Capricorn the Goat
But she surely can’t be serious though she really is a dote.

But whats this appearing suddenly on my little inspection
Two new birth signs that cause no little reflection
For my grandchildren are asserting Libra and Taurus the Bull
Good God, the glass of birthday bubbly is not yet full.

So to all our family birthdays I now raise a glass
For to me at least they will always be first class
So its three cheers to the good health of my family Stars
Whether their Sun is in conjunction with the Full Moon or Mars.


This verse is for amusement only and for celebratory fun
So just try to enjoy it and follow your own special Sun
This can best be accompanied by fine food and good wine
But even a glass of fresh bubbly milk will really do fine.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Love Paired is Love Shared: Do You Remember?

Do you remember the first time we met she said,
Your friends thought all you wanted was to get me in bed
You wore a funny woolly jumper, plaid shirt and string vest
But you soon showed them that you loved me best.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there!

Do you remember the first holiday together we had,
It rained most the time and the food was bad
You wore sandals with cotton socks to save on cost
And after wandering through the mud we got lost.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there!

Do you remember our having our very first child?
And you said beforehand that it would drive you wild
But you were great and helped change her nappy
And clad her in Liverpool gear just like a chappy.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there.

Do you remember how my Mum felt you were odd?
And my father thought you should get a real job
But you showed them that our love was sound
By agreeing to help out in the local dog pound.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there.

Do you remember the time when I was really unwell?
And you told the in-laws that they could go to hell
And you ordered all the food in to avoid eating out
And drank so much that you too had a vomiting bout

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there.

Do you remember how as we really grew feeble and old
That some people said that you were far too cold
And had true feelings only for yourself to the letter
But me in my wisdom I always knew better.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there.

Do you remember how it was said that we made a fine pair?
And it’s because you agreed it’s important to share
So let’s not pay any heed to what some people say
Because we know we’re blissfully happy anyway.

I do he said, I’m fully aware, wasn’t I there.

So before you pass judgement on this family affair
Be careful to realise that you weren’t really there
And facile impressions can be deceptive it’s true
For a couples’ personal happiness is a strange brew.


This verse is for amusement only and is written in jest
So just try to enjoy it if you don’t consider me a pest!
But don’t simply dismiss it and say it’s very unfair,
Think instead; get fully aware, you could be there.

Note: Photo is off what appears to be a bird on Antiparos Island in Greece but isn't as you are no doubt aware!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Magic Flower of the Aegean: Paros Plaudits!

My wife and I have just recently returned from a two week holiday in Paros Greece during which time she fell and cracked a bone in her ankle, I had my wallet stolen on the train from Piraeus to Athens airport, and we just missed one of those ‘regular’ daylong strikes which often recently preclude travelers from using either boats or planes inside Greece. So I was it worth the hassle? You bet! We have been travelling to Greece on and off for over 30 years and Paros remains our favorite destination and we loved it. So we would and will go again even if we have to ‘crawl’ there!! It is difficult to explain it’s attractions to the uninitiated but I suppose you could best explain its charms by likening it to a unique flower. At first sight its landscape is like a small bud which may seem a bit like any other and even appear to be somewhat ordinary. However, as soon as the morning sun arises, this ordinary bud is transformed into a magnificent flower. Soon after dawn Paros is bathed in the most brilliant sunlight which seemed to enliven both landscape and people in a rapturous haze of brilliant light. The island itself and indeed the nearby island of Antiparos are transformed by this light so that even the most barren of hill features and the most mundane of cobbled alleyways are made radiant and beautiful When you combine this with fascinating walks along Byzantine routes going back centuries, beautiful unspoiled sandy beaches, lovely winding narrow alleys with whitewashed houses, blue domed churches set among cobbled streets in historic villages, an amazing array of flowers in full bloom, fish and farm produce made from the most natural unspoilt ingredients and finally a Greek island people of great kindness and warmth of feeling, you have the makings of an unrivalled holiday.

This year we stayed in the Lefkes Village Hotel in the centre of Paros, which combines lovely poolside opulence with an unrivalled panoramic setting in the centre of the Village and enjoys easy access for walkers to the Byzantine Way and indeed to many interesting old windmills and other interesting sights on nearby hills. Beaches throughout the island and indeed the unspoiled central villages of Prodromos and Marpissa can easily be reached on foot or by bus or taxi from Lefkes. As a contrast in style, we also spent a week in Nouassa where we stayed right beside the beach at the magnificently located Hotel Kalypso and enjoyed walks through the hillside village that runs down to the wonderful fishing harbour adorned with working boats which land and display their fine catch, notably of squid, each morning. From there we made some lovely day trips, notably to Paroikia, the scenic main port town, but also via Pounta to Antiparos Island. It is impossible for me to convey in words the splendour of the landscape or indeed the friendliness of its people, but I am including some sample photos with this post to try and convey some of its appeal to those who may not yet have visited. Thus, may I finish by restating my firm belief that few places truly compare to Paros for a lovely and interesting holiday.

So Go Greece, Go Paros and Go Wild!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Family Foursquare: Trick or Tweet?

I sometimes think OMG how did my parents manage alone
Without a wide screen 3d tv, dvd or even an i-phone,
You know of course that I don’t wish to be mean
But it’s like trying to cope with a totally blank screen.

The thought is surely enough to give you the blues
I mean how did they ever keep up with the news
They could even have missed World War 2 or was it 4
I know it was on the History Channel, I can’t say any more.

They really were deprived I guess and that’s the pity,
Without Desperate Housewives or even Sex and the City
Times then must have been ever so hard somehow
But thank God we’re all techie tuned in now.

My own family are certainly all cyber aware
As each of us in our own way is really out there
I use my I-Pad to twitter to all my follow friends
And to keep up with the buzz of all new trends.

My daughter is foursquare in tune on Facebook
And is right in your face with the latest cool look
Although I do wonder if they are all what they seem
As most are only present on something called I –Stream.

My son spends days in his room and the door he locks
Playing violent war games on something called X Box
But I’m sure that there’s nothing to worry about
At least he’s not on the street acting the lout.

The Dad of the family watches footie on tv all day
Drinks beer and eats takeaways come what may
But he declares ‘ours is not to reason why’,
Ours is just to play the WII and watch on Sky.

Despite what you might think we show how we care
By tweeting our individual needs, one has to be fair,
As family communication is our primary goal
So each in the family has their own special role.

I as matriarch advise with tweets of food and fashion frolics
While Himself mostly lies there playing games or acting the bollick,
Still maybe he’s studying in a way for a football degree
An ambition with which even Eamonn Dunphy might agree.

So it you wish to achieve a family status this i-tuned
Just get your family tech trained before they are ruined
A Twitter and Facebook application is really no trick
Just common sense and some savvy, will soon make you tick.

Thus the underlying motto or this little confection
Is to let social media awareness be your perfection
I-Phone a friend, join Facebook and Twitter until late
Or risk being bereft like our poor parents sad fate.


This verse is for amusement only and should give no trouble
So just try to enjoy it and don’t live your life in a bubble!
You will notice that it is written from a female view
So those with a cougar in them will not feel blue!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Speed Dating Apps in Cyberland: Tweet! Tweet!

Their friends agreed they were made for each
when they met at a party out late
And now having spoken by I-Phone to each other
they were about to embark on their first date.

She considered him tall dark & handsome
with broad shoulders and not too much weight
He felt that she had great boobs and a nice bum
and long legs that there were ideal for a mate.

They walked towards the ‘Green Door’ Restaurant
holding hands and each smoking a fag
When just then they heard a beeping sound
coming from inside her imitation Gucci handbag.

Just a minute love, Jenny said, I need to take this
As someone may be in trouble or even dead
And I‘d hate to ignore a plea for help
so why don’t you just walk on ahead.

Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while at work or play
no matter whether you’re bored or keen,
Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while meeting or sleeping
but responding can have results unforeseen..

She clutched her I-Phone from deep inside her purse
and eagerly scanned her tweets for some news
And then she tweeted to Margaret, Susie and Mary
and even to her Mum in case she got the blues.

She told them how wonderful Mike was
And how he swept her of her feet
Then went on at length about how lucky she was
in the way they first chanced to meet.

Meanwhile he was a bit pissed off by this gesture
and felt that her attention had waned
And when she returned to sit down to eat
he let her know with an expression so pained.

Just then there was a sound from his jacket
a low hum and then a loud ringing to boot
Good God, he said, that could be important,
and he reached into the pocket of his suit.

Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while at work or play
no matter whether you’re bored or keen,
Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while meeting or sleeping
But responding can have results unforeseen.

He grabbed the I-Phone from inside his pocket
And perused messages from Joe, Bill and even Pater,
Who wanted to know the score in the match,
and if he could join them for drinks later.

He tried vainly to make contact with them
but could get no signal where he was being fed.
And so he decided to slip quickly outside
to see if that would work better instead.

By this time Jenny was growing truly morose
and sighed a deep sigh with a groan
She was urgently reviewing her opinion of this man
who had left her to eat and drink on her own.

Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while at work or play
no matter whether you’re bored or keen
Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while meeting or sleeping
But responding can have results unforeseen.

When eventually Mike and Jenny returned to their meal,
something seemed to be keeping the magic at bay
And prior thoughts of a permanent liaison
now seemed to be stretching far, far away

They finished their meal quickly and without rancour
but hurried to catch the last bus
And there parting was fleeting and cursory
with a mere peck on the cheek if not a cus!

When Mike reached his final destination
he was still vexed and vowed to end this without pain
But when he took out his I-Phone to tweet her
he found his battery had run down again.

Good Christ! Nothing ever goes right for me he wailed
and his indignation to see was quite plain.
If I can’t contact her now I’ll be in a fine quandary
Jesus! I’ll have to meet the bloody woman again!

Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while at work or play
no matter whether you’re bored or keen,
Tweet! Tweet! You can get one while meeting or sleeping
but responding can have results unforeseen.

So what’s the moral of this forlorn fable?
About a love first tweeted then dashable
Well if you want to be successful in romantic fare
Leave your phone at home and just get mashable.

Note: This is a purely fictional verse written for amusement only.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

NIghtmare on Twitter Street 2: Judgement Day*

*This verse is decicated to a very special daughter on her birthday

Late one night when I got home from the MediaLab
Quite long after a Social Semantics debate
I was full of ideas and Guinness as well
Having had a few over the eight.
I had hoped that deep peaceful slumber
That should follow a night at the pub,
But I fell victim to a quite dreadful dream
And as Shakespeare said: ‘There’s the rub’.

I dreamt we were back at that venue
In the room with a sag in the floor
John Bres had just put his head round the door
To reckon on his coffee score
I was then that disaster overtook us
The old floor gave a creak and fell in
Hurtling us all to the regions below
Amid shrieks, imprications and din.

The scene was then suddenly shifted
We were herded outside a broad gate
Where a man with an I-Pad and some nerdy clothes
Had appeared to consider our faith.
He spoke and his voice was accusing
It appeared we were none without sin
We had not made the grade; we had one and all failed,
To pass onto the Apple Domain within.
But before he would pass final judgement,
He’d no wish to appear autocratic
So, he agreed to allow each a tweet in defence
With results that were highly dramatic.

COLMORIAIN tweeted that an android code malfunction
Had probably put us all here in the wrong
Though personally speaking, he was not conscious of guilt
That’s excluding wine, women and song.

Salamicat tweeted that writing in flimsy pyjamas
Could surely not be considered obscene
It was simply the manifestation of artistic licence
And in her opinion, he was now just trying to be mean.

Rosemary McCabe tweeted that she had written her Times column
With great consideration, fashion sense and moral care
And now felt that she should be given extra points
For locating the Saint on Foursquare.

Musicshosh tweeted that Yesterday, like her friend Paul,
All her troubles seemed so far way.
But now because of the Yoko Ono and St Peter
It looks as if they are here to stay.

Davidmcw tweeted that he was used to being called to account
And had often been abused and called a crank
But over 10 years he had consistently warned
About relying for credit on a Celestial Bank.

Cooper_M tweeted that the saint was badly informed
And that his moral stance was clearly absurd
The obvious result of his not having read
His political book or listened to the LastWord

MiriamOCal tweeted that these Prime Time explanations
Were quite typical of people you know
And declared that before the Saint had opened his mouth
She had booked him for Saturday RTE show.

Sarahndipitous tweeted that a lifetime of happy cooking
And moral sense was now worth less than a fiver
Which came as a particular shock to her
As she regarded herself as a female McGiver.

8ORION8 tweeted that he was mathematically incorrect
In his calculations and should now get a gripsy
Or else his heavenly Hedge Funds
Will end up worth less than her cat Tipsy.

Werethe1s tweeted that the Saint had a standard to keep
Though like X Factor an audition should not be elusive
Still a Simon Cowell like vote should be taken by rote
To ensure that the place was exclusive.

BethArnold tweeted that the Saint had an old fashioned slant
Was obsessed by quaint rules and by chance
Life had changed down below, it now best just to go
For fine food and good wine in France.

PondJumper tweeted in alarm at such bother and fuss
At faults due to the devils own snares
Why, on arrival she thought he would have realised
That she was as mad a bunch of March hares.

Dr Cesa quoted mantras from the famous
And referred at length to 'her modus vivendi'
But all to no purpose as the Great Saint replied
'My girl', I do not comprehend thee'.

Calbion was next to tweet the great saint,
Paying tribute to zeal and devotions
But maintaining in terrestrial life
That chocolate best catered for subconscious emotions

And she was the last, the others sang dumb,
My wife for once did not add her own tweet,
And that’s quite surprising if you can recall
That, on earth, she would continually bleat!

The sight of this motley collection of some 140 characters
Made St Peter cry out 'What the Heck'
I'm sure that I can easily decide their fate,
By recourse to my app on Tweetdeck.

And what was the verdict on that fateful night
Were we sent above or below?
Well, as St Peters I-Pad needed a battery recharge,
I have to confess-I don’t know.

1) the sentiments expressed here are purely for fun and are wholly fictional
2) They are based upon and quote liberally from a verse written by my late father Michael some 50 years ago in appreciation of Robert service verses. However, they have been updated to take account of the 'reach' and tools of modern technology.
3) How little in human terms have changed!!

Whine of the Week: Trucking with Red in Sante Fe

This is a little posting to celebrate two minor American marvels: the ubiquitous red truck and a similar named red wine. We sampled the pleasure of both some years ago after swapping houses for a few weeks in the summer with a couple in Sante Fe, New Mexico. So in memory of the lovely outdoors drives across the magnificent landscape of that Indian Pueblo State, may I raise a glass of red to all in appreciation!!